Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You were trust falling into bushes
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
