im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
