I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
