The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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