Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
