i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
