What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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