Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
