sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
