You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
