You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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