Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
