You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
