About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
