he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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