Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
