i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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