I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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