I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
