I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
