Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
