before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
