I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
