Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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