who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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