My liver just broke up with me...
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish i was in the wii world.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
