i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
