I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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