Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
