Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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