i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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