I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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