i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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