Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
