someone get that fucking seahorse.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
