His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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