I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
