I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
