Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
