It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
