I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
