So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
