i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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