just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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