just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
