He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
