So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
