I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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