This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
