She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
