Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
