he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
